What to do with a Sabbatical that is not all Roses and Butterflies

I am learning a sad lesson over the past few months, and that is just because one ceases from the daily stress of work, life and its stresses still continues.

I'm not sure what I expected exactly...my apartment to magically become self-cleaning? People to finally comprehend that I really am the center of the world? Or that all of a sudden the world would become a happy and healthy place to be (all of the time, for everyone)?

Of the friends I spend the most time with, one is moving to another continent, one is injured, one is dying, and the other has gone AWOL.

I have had...let's count them...not one, not two, but four major computer malfunctions in the past two weeks -- costing me one week of internet access, 2 1/2 work day equivalents on the phone with tech support, and several hundreds of dollars in part replacement fees. Even as I write, I cannot add a picture because for...God only knows what reason...my picture editor (which cost ~$100) has suddenly ceased to work. Overall -- it is not as dire as an apocalypse...but it does get draining.

My father is ill, it rains on every "biking day", the piles of paper continue to rise on my desk, a relationship is strained and irresolvable, baby Will has acid reflux and makes the whole house sad with his pain-filled cries, my medical bills do not seem to be resolving themselves, and my arm is no better off -- if not worse than before, and I found out that my first overseas trip will be over three continents and two oceans over a duration of 48-hours...alone.

I just saw "Pursuit of Happyness" on DVD...and I can't shake the stirred up/stressed out feeling in the pit of my stomach. It hasn't been that long since I had to work 2 1/2 fulltime jobs just to pay the rent. I remember one year only earning $9K because I was volunteering so much and getting paid so poorly. Certainly I have never been close to being homeless with a child to support -- but I know what it is like to work 24/7, be smart, and skilled, and to still not be able to make things "work".

Tomorrow at church I will be leading worship -- and I'll be singing Ps. 13 which is a Psalm of lament -- "how long, O Lord, will you forget me?" Or, as I would probably put it in my inner prayer life -- "God, when are you going to just cut me a break?" But the psalmist goes on to declare that he trusts his father -- "still I trust in Your unfailing love". I don't always make it to that place, but how could I not?

An elder called me a week ago just to see how I was doing (not to ask anything of me), a friend bought me flowers because she knew I've been catching a few tough breaks, my exams went really well, baby Will thinks his "auntie" is hysterical and always smiles and giggles at me (when he is not gassy/acidy!!), I have money in the bank and all my bills are paid, my god-daughter just turned four and had a Superman birthday party (just like her "auntie"), I have a great apartment and living situation, I have lots of friends and a family that loves me, spring is finally here, and I am on sabbatical!

How could I not trust in a God who has, despite life's difficulties, given me these great gifts and has always provided and always taken care of me? I am quite rich. And, so despite how much grieving there is still to do -- I'll just take a look at the roses on my dresser and trust that the butterflies are just outside my window.

Senseless Violence

The shootings at Virginia Tech -- or anywhere for that matter -- are senseless. Like a 9/11 it is the kind of event that can turn a nation's worldview on its head, its sense of ethics, and culture.

For these moments there are simply no words to speak. One can only grieve and cry out to God.

I am including here a note from the InterVarsity staff at Virginia Tech who could use your prayers today and in the coming weeks. Also, here is an article that may give some clues as to other prayers that may be needed, especially for our Asian and Asian-American brothers and sisters at Virginia Tech and all schools.

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So many have asked how they can pray for us, and I am encouraged by the support of friends from around the country and the world.

Here are some specific requests from our fellowship:

One freshman still has a roommate that is missing. We are hoping that she may have been only wounded, but we have yet to hear from her.

Thankfully, two of our students overslept and missed their classes in Norris Hall during the shootings. However, one of those students lost his professor, and four of his classmates were wounded.

One senior in our fellowship was actually in a classroom in Norris Hall during the shootings. With the help of some classmates, he set up a barricade to prevent the shooter from entering the room. The shooter fired shots at the door, but failed to enter.

One junior needs the most intercession. She is a resident advisor in West Ambler Johnston Hall and was a good friend to one of the victims who was murdered in this residence hall. The victim was a fellow resident advisor.

After an intense and painful day, we are in mourning.

Fortunately, there were no students in our fellowship who were wounded or murdered. However, a number of students have friends, hallmates, and professors who lost their lives.

On campus, I am deeply encouraged by the love and comfort that our students give to each other and their friends. The Body of Christ is truly at work here.

Though it feels like a dark cloud is over Blacksburg, God is present. In this time of mourning, Christ is with us in our pain. In Christ Jesus we find our hope and refuge!

Thank you for your prayers and for sharing in our pain.

Wes Barts

Back in the Saddle Again...

Its been a while since I've written anything. Sorry to those of you who actually read this! I'm mostly writing a blog to keep friends and prayer people updated, but also to reflect on my sabbatical experiences.

Things have been difficult these past few weeks, and that's usually when I shy away from being reflective. There are just some things I don't want to remember. But, sadly, that is when I most need to be in conversation with God. So, I have been keeping God in the periphery...but I think I am finally ready to stop crowding him out. Pray for me!

Other than these more internal and private thoughts, I have much to share, but I will make it brief, I promise!

My father is healing well. His blood pressure continues to be too low, at one point it was down to 60/40 and he shouldn't have been conscious, but he was. But there have been other positive healing signs such as being able to get out of bed, shower, and get in and out of chairs alone. Praise God.

While with my dad, I missed the first week of my seminary classes and so I have had much too much reading to do, 120+ pages/day. I am finally caught up...but next week is midterms! Ack. But I am loving my Old Testament class on the Prophets and the Psalms. In particular I was struck this morning as my professor spoke from Habakkuk and how what it means to be the people of "Israel" is to "wrestle" with God when questions, fears, doubts arise. Habakkuk lived during a time where the Israelites very notion of God was rocked to its foundation and they were left floundering. But he wrestled and came out trusting in a clearer vision of God than ever before.

I'm also taking Systematic Theology. I was very challenged to recently write a paper regarding my own theological method -- I wasn't aware that I had one until I wrote a paper about it! And, lastly I am taking a Church History class...which at first I thought I would not like since I have little interest in American history or philosophy. But, as it turns out it is quite fascinating and I understand more and more the debates that continue to happen on a national level about the meaning of freedom, the foundations of the country, and church and state. Now...if I can just remember all that stuff until next week. :)

Thanks for all your prayers and help over the past few weeks. I'm also happy to report that our staff team participated in an evangelistic outreach at Clarion University where over 70 students responded over the week to the gospel! God be praised. And very beautifully, the conversations had were across academic disciplines, religions, and race.

We have also hired a new staff onto our team: Amy Costello from MI. More about her later.